From The Pastor's Desk

People say, February is the month of love. On the 14, most of us will celebrate St. Valentine’s Day. It has special meaning for me in that my wife began labor the morning of Valentine’s Day, for our first child, Melissa.  By early afternoon, labor had increased in intensity enough so that we both thought Melissa would be a Valentine’s baby.  We called all the grandparents, a few friends, and people in our church.  Alas!  Melissa proved to be as stubborn in birth as she is in adulthood.  She waited until the next day, the 15th, to arrive. Despite a very few such negative characteristics, needless to say, Melissa is loved very much. Love is one of the most basic human needs.  We all want to feel loved and to be part of a group or family.  However, usually when we think of love, what we really want is someone to love ME. Countless love songs are written and sung to countless couples—all hoping that he or she is “the right one” this time.  I know that feeling well. Throughout my work in the ministry, I have seen numerous kinds and degrees of love.  I have seen the fresh love of a young couple coming to discuss their first marriage.  It has always been beautiful to watch them demonstrate and verbalize their love for each other.  Of course, I also know that many of these couples will end their marriages in horrible arguments and divorce—despite auspicious beginnings.  Unfortunately, I still don’t have that crystal ball to foretell who will have to endure the pain of smoldering embers gone dead.

Most beautiful of all is the kind of love that an aging husband or wife demonstrates at the hospital bedside of a dying spouse.  I have sat in a hospital room listening to these words: “I’m here, Tom,” as his hand is held, knowing this could be his last day.  Or, “I’ll always love you—forever!” is whispered although the person is lying in bed, eyes completely closed and struggling to breath, perhaps unconscious.  This last kind of love is always giving to another—not taking anything in return. Oddly enough, at first we “fall in love” because of how we want to feel, rather than how we want someone else to feel.  But being happy and truly enjoying the results of love come to us indirectly and only as a result of actively and concretely loving another. I read about a study conducted by Miami University psychologist James C. Coyne.  He asked forty-five female college students to talk on the phone for twenty minutes with other women, some of whom were depressed—though the students weren’t told that.  Later, the students indicated they had much less interest in spending time with the depressed women than with those who were not depressed.  Such reactions are part of a common vicious circle.  Unhappy people often drive away the very people whose support they need, thereby worsening their depression and intensifying their need for support.  If only these depressed students could have been able to initiate conversations intended to genuinely be helpful to others, they would have begun to get out of their depressed state of mind.  Jesus was right when he said, “It is better to give than to receive.”   Pastor John